Do you like sports? ‘Course you do. That’s why you’re here. Next question.
Do you like Marvel’s Avengers? Judging by the incredible popularity of the franchise, as well as its current run as the #1 movie in America, it’s a good bet that you do. If you don’t, then I don’t want to know you.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I thought it might be fun to mix these two things we all love, giving us a sports version of The Avengers! Because why not?
First up, the big guy: The Hulk! To me, this was the easiest role to cast. Who else wears green, doesn’t talk much, and can’t be stopped once he starts running and smashing through people? Hint: Beast Mode. Yep, you guessed it. Marshawn Lynch.
When watching some of his greatest runs (think 2011 NFL Playoffs vs Saints) you can’t help but liken it to The Hulk smashing through buildings at will, no one able to bring him down. Lynch tears through defenses like the big green guy tears through alien invaders. And clothes. Next!
After Hulk, things get a little harder. This is where I would have cast our Captain America. The Leader. A shining beacon of goodness, for everyone to aspire towards. Who better than Tom Br… wait… what? He (allegedly) cheated!? WHY, TOM, WHY??
Okay, so I still like the idea of Captain America as a quarterback. It’s probably the most important position in sports for a natural born leader to shine.
Since Brady (allegedly) isn’t as up and up as we might have thought, I’ll go with the next best thing: Aaron Rodgers. A great leader and field general. Super nice guy (can you live in Wisconsin and not be?). He’s been a champion (and will probably do it again) and he’s at the top of his game.
If Hydra had to field a ‘D’ against Rodgers, I’m sure he’d have no trouble picking them apart. He will also probably be trapped in ice for a couple decades. It ain’t called the frozen tundra for nothin’ Two down.
Next, I’m going with Cap’s right-hand man, Tony Stark, otherwise known as Iron Man! So, he’s got to be rich, conceited, cocky, but also able to back it up when it’s time for action. I’m gonna go with LeBron James here.
If Stark ever switches teams, I have no doubt he would hold ESPN hostage for an hour to tell the world about it. Of course when it’s go time, both are almost unparalleled.
LeBron has (and may have to again) put his team on his back and carried them to the promised land, just like Stark flew up into that wormhole in space, saving everyone in the first Avengers film. Their egos are as big as their reputations, but it’s no doubt that they’ve earned it.
Let’s move on now to the God of Thunder, Thor. A big man who swings a big stick harder than anyone else, sending his target flying through the air. Hm. Maybe this one should’ve been easier than I thought? I’ll take Giancarlo Stanton. If I have to pick one guy in baseball I don’t want on the other end of my pitch, there’s no doubt it’s him. He’s huge and hits things far. He can probably fly, too. Has anybody asked him?
What about the resident badass woman in the group? The Avengers’ own femme fatale, the Black Widow? A beautiful woman who can flat-out hurt people.
If that last line doesn’t scream for Ronda Rousey, then you’re saying someone can take her. I highly doubt that. She won her last fight in 14 seconds. 14!!!
And that was against the #1 contender, a.k.a. – the best the UFC had to throw at her. Still don’t think she belongs here?
Both Rousey and the Black Widow are trained fighting machines, and I wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of them. Hell hath no fury like a woman’s arm-bar.
Finally, we get to the often overlooked and under-appreciated member of the group, Hawkeye. Although as we see in the new Avengers film, he’s the glue that holds a broken team together (spoilers avoided!). Hawkeye is basically known for two things: Accuracy and jokes.
Love him or hate him, this spot goes to Peyton Manning. One of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game, and the guy is funny. His United Way promo from Saturday Night Live? His countless commercials? He’s got a sense of humor.