Connecticut Families Extra: Curbing your kid’s aggression

Connecticut Families

(WTNH) — Parents, what do you do when your child gets aggressive with siblings or peers? We’ll catch you up to speed on how parents can identify and curb some aggressive behaviors early on.

Research scientists say kids who are persistently aggressive or defiant in their teens are already showing signs of abnormally aggressive behavior years earlier when they are toddlers.

“We can fix a two year old’s aggression pretty quickly. 16-year-olds are much harder.”

Is this just pretend swordplay in the park or a stick fight about to get out of hand? Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Aggression might also look different when kids are in their terrible twos and younger.

“I think it’s much more normal for kids to be aggressive at some point in early childhood than not be aggressive.”

Clinical Psychologist Tamara Del Vecchio and her colleagues studied 477 children from six to 24 months of age. They asked parents how often their children pulled other’s hair, kicked, hit, bit others, or hurt animals. Almost all of the children, 94 percent, behaved in at least one of these ways once a week. Most often, hitting. She says parents of very young children should not be alarmed, but should be aware.

“Because we don’t have a great handle on who of those kids are going to be problematic later, I think it’s really important we address the problem across the board.”

Experts suggest parents calmly address the aggressive behavior, first with a reprimand.

“Pulling the cat’s tail, hitting your sister, biting, any of those behaviors, we want to come in very early, firmly, with no.”

If that doesn’t work, try a time out, redirect the child, or separate the child from the activity for one or two minutes. Remind them how they should behave with phrases like “be gentle,” or “be nice.”

Researchers say a parent’s initial response to aggressive behavior may be to show anger or threaten the child. They say those ways of responding to negative behaviors are less likely to work.

Clinical psychologists say children who act aggressively may need help managing their strong emotions and, along with their parents, might need additional guidance from a mental health professional.

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