Relationship expert Dr. Patty Ann Tublin answers your questions for her Tuesday Tips of Advice on work-life balance and honesty.
AnneMarie from New London: “I just had my first baby 7 months ago and I’m back at work for only 6 weeks and I’m totally overwhelmed & exhausted. Do you have any suggestions to help me get some sense of work-life balance?”
Dr. Patty Ann: “First of all, Congratulations AnneMarie on the birth of your baby – being a parent is the hardest job you will ever love! Regarding work-life balance here is my suggestion – from both a personal and professional perspective, since I was a working mom with 4 kids.
1. Prioritize, prioritize and then prioritize some more. What I mean by this is to get a very clear sense of what absolutely needs to get done – as both a professional and a parent/spouse. And every day might look totally different, from a priority perspective than the day before. Know your priorities and do NOT allow yourself to be distracted from them. (We can discuss how woman allow themselves to be distracted from their work by helping everyone else with theirs).
2. Ditch the guilt & worry. It is a waste of your time and energy to worry about things you cannot control – so let it go – whatever “it” is.
3. Get as much sleep as you can – whenever you can. Sleep deprivation is the most underrated stressors of parenting – especially with an infant. Everything seems better after a good night’s sleep – even if nothing has changed.
4. As much as is possible, make some time for yourself – to exercise, read, watch a movie, hang with your girlfriends – whatever you love to do that relaxes you – do it.
Things will get easier and remember to keep everything in perspective.”
Alan from Waterbury: “A few months ago an old girlfriend reached out to me on Facebook and I’ve been speaking with her online ever since. My wife found out and she is furious and she wants me to break off all communication with her. I told her she is being unreasonable. Am I right?”
Dr. Patty Ann: “Alan, this question comes up quite frequently so I’m glad you are asking it. The short answer is – your wife is correct, however, let me explain.
1. I’m curious as to why you did not tell your wife you were communicating with this woman – why did she have to find out?
2. Are you sharing intimate or personal things with this woman that you would have normally shared with your wife – and now you don’t tell your wife b/c you told this woman- RED FLAG!
3. This can be a slippery slope to an emotional affair – if you have not already entered this danger zone – why go there?
If you are happy in your marriage, why jeopardize your happiness?”
Send your questions to Dr. Patty Ann Tublin on Twitter: @drpattyann