(WTNH) — Relationship expert Dr. Patty Ann Tublin answers your questions about conflict at home and at work for her Tuesday Tips for success.
Erica from New Haven: “Since everyone in my office avoids conflict like the plague, when problems arise, nobody addresses them and things escalate out of control. Can you tell me I can help my team have the ‘difficult’ conversation that everyone is not willing to have?”
Dr. Patty Ann: “Many people have a hard time having the ‘difficult’ conversation for the very reason you stated: everyone is avoiding conflict. But what happens when you avoid conflict, over time, you create more conflict. So obviously this strategy doesn’t work. Here are some tips for having the difficult conversation:
1. Be thoroughly prepared BEFORE you begin the difficult conversation.
2. Be totally in control of YOUR emotions. If you’re emotions become out of control, the conversation will not be healthy.
3. Lean In Conflict. a) Start with: ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been having a difficult time getting your assignments in on-time.’ b) Say how you feel: ‘when this happens, it makes me feel ________’ c) Ask: ‘Can we talk about this situation?’ Or ‘Is there information I should know about?’ d) Then be quiet and LISTEN.”
Maria from Bridgeport: “My husband began one of those no carbs, no sugar, no nothing diets. And he expects me to eat the same way. But I love my carbs. Is it okay if I tell him I don’t want to diet with him?”
Dr. Patty Ann: “The short answer is you must speak up for yourself.
1. Tell your husband you will respect his diet without participating in it.
2. Work together to create meal plans for both of you.”